Diary: An Anxious Day

The last few days I feel as though I cannot bring anything to fruition. Everything I start working on I just become uninterested midway through. I’ve been on edge and super anxious for no reason and I can’t seem to relax. My boyfriend is amazing and is trying to make me feel better cause he can tell something is off. He’s taking me to my favourite lunch spots and is being so motivating and I’m trying- really trying.

There’ve been few ways to drag me out of this, but writing all this down is an escape and a half. Recognizing that I’m feeling unwell is the first step to getting myself to feel better.

This morning when I first recognized that something was off I tried to lead with the mantra “look good feel good: if I look better I’ll feel better”, it worked for about an hour. Eventually, the impending doom of my life and depression settled in and I started to get the classic hot face and neck rash.

I’m now watching Rush Hour 2 which is helping a lot because Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker are hilarious. Pizza, tea, and wine are helping settle me down. Tomorrow is Ukrainian Easter and it’ll be a good day filled with food, champagne, and too much food. Looking towards the future and also recognizing all the good hard work I’ve done in the past is a great way to get myself out of my own head.

Well, wish me luck in tonights evening of pretending everything is okay (sometimes if I pretend long enough, I revert to normality) even when it’s off – whatever that word may mean.

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